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Brand Newbian- First attemptBrand Newbian- First attempt
Hazazel said: "i would just say to lengthin ya lines a little and you will be more effective and also try a more complex rhyme scheme like throw some multis in and things like that"
The White Friar said: "First Attempt- New to the game please critique
I'll throw you out the window/
hopin' ya land on pens and pencils/
a bad case of the dental/
or it went to ya head and its mental/
to make it simple/
fuk around and you'll only regret/
makin me the last muthafuka you eva met/
straight to ya chest/
come face to face with the best/
but neva the less/
ill still put you to the test/
lay ya to rest/
decayin ya flesh/
makin a mess/
breakin ya neck/
ill take you on a quest and have you as my guest/
but you bes believe we aint goin somewhere you like/
a place where the demons come out and haunt you at night/
Imma a fukin' loudmouth/
cant seem to keep quiet/
and if you wanna battle/
i'll spark up a damn riot/
lord of the microphone/
heir to the throne/
sticks and stones/
im breakin muthafukas bones/
the White Friar/
i desire to open fire/
throw flames like Mark Prior/
or tie u up wit barbed wire...............
alright I'll stop enough for the first time ill wait and see the reviews......
Peace."
